Written by Ronnie Freedman, Ph.D.
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken”
Oscar Wilde
The majority of individuals who struggle with anxiety and other stress related disorders are similarly wired, as in the way they relate to others. These are the “good guys,” the people pleasers, the ones who do not relish confrontation. This in itself is a fantastic attribute but there is another side to the coin. These individuals often find themselves under the heading of VICTIM.
No one is comfortable going through life as “the victim.” It’s demoralizing, defeating and the rewards are few. The upside is that one does not have to remain the victim once they recognize they are behaving as one.
It’s all about attitude. You are what you deem yourself to be, and have the option of changing this up whenever you choose. All you need is confidence. Confidence is defined as freedom from doubt, belief in yourself and your abilities…self-trust. In other words, knowing who you truly are, who you represent and having the courage to be yourself. It’s time to take the mask off and feel confident about who you are…the real you. Everyone puts that mask on when they leave the house. Wouldn’t it be so much simpler to feel self-assured in who you are and not have to hide behind a facade of someone you are not.
It’s time to locate your true self and true wants. It’s time to stop acting like someone you are not. It’s time to know what you want out of life and how you want to represent yourself. In other words, it’s time to Be Yourself.
This is established by a few simple steps:
- Acknowledge your strong points. Sit down with a pen and paper and list your talents, your interests, your attributes.
- Realize that taking responsibility leads to self-confidence. You are responsible for all outcomes involving your decisions. If life does not work, then you are not making it work. It’s as simple as that.
- There is no “secret.” The real answer is becoming self-reliant. Taking personal responsibility is the first step.
- Drop all blame. All previous outcomes were the result of your own choices. This frees you up to run your life the way you see fit. Taking responsibility means you are making careful choices and will stand behind them.
- If your life is not working you are either making bad choices or doing something wrong. Either way, figure it out.
- Confidence also involves learning by your mistakes and correcting your perspective. We always get another “do over” if we wish.
- Victims only exist if we allow ourselves to be victimized. Take back control of your life by vowing to take responsibility for everything, yes EVERYTHING. You will be showing others how you expect to be treated.
- Find your Adult Voice, the voice of truth and reason, and use it. Operate from strength and you will be steering your own ship.
- Be the star of your life, not the supporting player in the life of someone else. You count!
- Stop living mechanically. Take small risks every day to make your life more interesting.
- You are the boss of your own life. Never abdicate this power.
- Stop defining yourself by a weakness, ailment or shortcoming. Stop listening to the voice of doom, and learn to turn off the habit of negativity. It’s time to retrain the brain.
Once you follow these suggestions you will be pleasantly surprised at how smoothly your life begins to run itself. The struggle disappears when you have taken back control. You are always the “alpha” in your own life unless you choose to give your power away.
Those who succeed in being true to themselves show others how they wish to be treated, by attitude, demeanor and the way they take care of themselves. They garner respect because they own self-respect.
It might be time to take a closer look at who you really are and embrace your stronger self. This will reflect on how others view you, treat you and respect you. Life becomes simpler, happier and much more manageable when you regain control by learning to steer your own life in the direction you deserve.